If Loneliness Is a Shadow


 

Good-bye My Loneliness
Good-bye My Loneliness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

If Loneliness is a Shadow

 

If loneliness is a shadow who wants to dance,

 

She dreams alone and she’ll take a chance,

 

At first she doesn’t understand,

 

As loneliness takes her by the hand,

 

But as imaginary music fills the air,

 

Loneliness spins her around the room,

 

Letting her forget despair and gloom,

 

When the sun sets and shadows grow,

 

This shadow takes her to the late, late show,

 

Hoping that she’ll be glad to stay,

 

Along with her dreams for one more day,

 

Her feet are nimble as she glides across the floor,

 

Her happiness complete and her heart soars,

 

No longer does she count the hours,

 

But time spent is time lost,

 

And she does not consider the cost,

 

Hello, Loneliness, Join her once again,

 

Let her dance the night away,

 

Tomorrow she’ll rise to a brand new day,

 

And she’ll dance, spinning round and round,

 

Keeping her smile with never a frown,

 

Giving her heart one more chance,

 

To wake in her world of lost romance,

 

Happiness and love will treat her well,

 

As she dances along a star lit trail,

 

An imaginary world where everything is real,

 

It lets her dance the way she feels,

 

Spinning dizzily as the music plays,

 

She prepares her heart for lonely days.

 

 

 

 

Death and Destruction


Love heart uidaodjsdsew
Image via Wikipedia

Death and Destruction

 

I chose to be open, knowing what could happen right from the start,

Without the protection of stone walls I had a vulnerable heart,

And when death and destruction arrived on the very same day,

I took them in voluntarily, that’s all I can say,

My heart was unguarded and death’s attack was swift,

Vicious puncture wounds were left and the sudden lift,

Blood draining, life waning, in the aftermath was fear,

Destruction’s devices were different, slow, abrasive, and clear,

Humiliation, fear of being left, or not being good enough,

My heart struggled to find even ground, somewhere out of the rough,

Without someone to lean upon I searched for ways to reach the sky,

But loneliness filled my nights while my unfulfilled dreams marched by,

Yet when mornings brought the sun I smiled as I soaked in the heat,

Each day I faced the world again with many experiences to greet,

Neither love’s demise nor slow destruction would pin me for long,

I was determined to love again for my heart still pounded strong,

Though wave after wave had crashed against my heart’s core,

I still stood, a lighthouse beaming from the ravished shore,

As I round another turn, it’s clear what lies ahead,

I could wind up with the roses, or eat dust again instead,

Love will forward surge even beyond the finish pole,

For I will give what it takes to reach my own true goal,

Love marches on with opportunities life so freely gives,

I’ll stay the course and keep on track, for love in my heart still lives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never Her Heart


She accepted Mark’s invitation to dinner,

She had been alone far too long,

He had gentle ways and a broad smile,

She thought, “What could be so wrong?”

 

He treated her like a lady,

Showing courtesy in every way,

She was inwardly pleased,

She thought it rare in this modern day,

 

Conversation was light and witty,

He was open about his life,

He talked about his children,

And even discussed his ex-wife,

 

Catherine, too, appeared open,

With no secrets left to hide,

She explained she was a widow,

But not all did she confide,

 

When her husband died tragically,

Her world came crashing down,

She had pledged her love to him forever,

And she still felt honor bound,

 

She enjoyed Mark’s company,

And learned to enjoy his touch,

But as for her past and her heart,

She wouldn’t share with him much,

 

If Mark was truthful about his past,

He thought she might simply faint,

Mark had once been a real bad boy,

While her husband had been deemed a saint,

 

Mark still had some baggage,

Left from when he was wed,

Yet Catherine knew she had some too,

Her first love lived within her head,

 

She gave Mark all she could give,

She was compassionate and kind,

She was willing to give her body,

But she couldn’t ever share her mind,

 

He wanted to love her completely,

But her coolness ate at his heart,

How could they share life together,

When they remained a world apart,

 

When she talked about her first love,

Mark knew he could never compare,

When they made love it seemed as if,

She was but wasn’t there,

 

Notes without any words,

She was the melody of a song,

Her mind was on another,

For her husband she still longed,

 

She talked about her first love,

Often with friends and family,

But Mark felt shut out of her life,

He wanted to belong desperately,

 

An empty life was not for him,

He needed someone who shared,

Catherine clung to memories of her true love,

And Mark thought she never cared,

 

He left one early morning,

He had nothing left to give,

His love had never been accepted,

And he still had life to live,

 

He wanted her hand in marriage,

But he felt rejected instead,

And now she wonders why he left,

As she sleeps alone on her bed,

 

Mark still searches for someone,

Although now his chances are slim,

He’ll wonder the rest of his life,

Why Catherine could never love him.

 

 

One Step, Two Steps, a Laugh or More


Through my eyes light pours in,

Bringing warmth and energy to my world within,

From the time I’m awake until I sleep,

Light drives out any darkness I keep,

The light splashes into areas where I think,

My mood changes and I’m no longer on the brink,

“Hello!” I shout, but the world does not respond,

Its focus is on issues far beyond,

My enthusiasm does not waver,

“Hello!” I shout again, “Enjoy your day!”

I bounce through morning with light showing me the way,

But my energy wanes with the fading light,

As my psyche prepares for the upcoming night,

Later while the moon glides across the sky,

Only small amounts of light enter my eye,

And the darkness inside spreads,

Arousing my primal desires,

Smoldering embers become raging fires,

In the corners shadows dance,

Feverishly, wantonly, as in a trance,

Until I shake away the shackles I know,

And loose this energy and let it flow,

I’m looking for love and passion’s heat,

This feeling of loneliness I want to defeat,

I fret and hunger for someone to hold,

My fears are gone and I dare to be bold,

Sounds of the night urge me on,

While neon lights pull me along,

In a bar a woman is crying and left all alone,

She tells me her troubles, I tell her my own,

We talk for awhile and find we relate,

She matches me perfectly, this must be fate,

Dancing in dim light with heat seeking heat,

My thoughts grow wilder, listening to the beat,

One step, two steps, a few dances or more,

Then together we waltz out the door,

Darkness surrounds us as we continue to play,

Needs are filled and melt away,

When night runs from the rising sun,

I rub my eyes and think, “What have I done?

I’ve just shared some time and space,

With a stranger I’m not ready to face,”

“Call me,” she says with a smile,

“Of course,” I answer, but I mean after awhile,

“No commitments,” I think as she hugs me once more,

“I’ll call you tonight,” I stated as I start for the door,

“I want to see you again,” I heard my voice say,

My mind is determined but my heart betrays,

Sunlight washes over me and I feel clean,

My thoughts return to last night’s cozy scene,

My heart beats faster when I remember her smile,

Her touch was gentle even while she was wild,

Already my wants are beginning to grow,

“She’s what I need,” and my heart replies, “I know,”

Love and companionship are what I lack,

And my intentions were I’d never be back,

But within minutes I’m pounding on her door,

I’ve never lost my heart so quickly before,

Her eyes are filled with love as she lets me in,

And this is where our new life begins,

She and I together, as two become one,

Dancing and laughing, enjoying the sun,

And through our eyes love pours in,

Bringing warmth and happiness to our world within.

 

 

I Heard Her Call His Name


A glass of Brown Ale in a "Wellington&quo...
Image via Wikipedia

He’d partied with friends and had gone home alone,

A quiet end to his evening, no wild oats sown,

He had been sleeping when a woman entered his room,

He glanced up and saw her after he detected her perfume,

She was beautiful and seemed to float with angelic grace,

But when she turned, there was something about her face,

Instead of a smile he saw loneliness and despair,

“I’m having a nightmare,” he mused, “due to the cool air”,

He shivered and pulled the covers up real tight,

Determined he could simply dismiss his fright,

But closer she came and sat quickly on his bed,

“It is only a dream,” he thought, still filled with dread,

He slipped deeper into the covers, perhaps she would not stay,

But her weight pressed upon him, taking his breath away,

He thought he heard her whisper, “You are mine today,”

A few minutes, an hour or more, time seemed to delay,

Her weight shifted, he felt her leaving again,

Was she gone, really gone, or was the departure feigned?

Although still afraid, he had to know, whether dream or for real,

The covers he pulled down and looked, she waited for him still,

She hovered there in the dark, yet he could see her smile,

And then through the wall she stepped, humming all the while,

“Thank you, sir!” she called out, “You’re the father of my child!”

He did not move till dawn it broke, he could scarcely even breathe,

“Was there someone who would listen now, and perhaps even believe?”

I listened to his story, I asked him to tell me twice,

Each time he paled as he began, his blood cold as ice,

He was reluctant to sleep again, except in light of day,

He claimed she was waiting, wanting to have her way,

Daily he grew weaker, he had lost his taste for food,

But one day he said to me, “I’m in a party mood,”

“Bring me brown ale and we’ll celebrate,

It’s time to meet my fate,”

With a smile he said, “She waited for me so long,

Now it’s time for me to go where I belong,”

With those words said, he gasped his last breath,

And on his face his last smile, frozen there in death,

His story would have ended there but the coroner called to me,

“What do you know about his children? This photo shows three,”

Three children were there, hovering in air, that’s how it seemed to me,

He sat proudly with his arm around—nothing that I could see,

On the back he wrote a note, “This is my family,

My wife is a ghost, she returns whenever she can,

Now I must go where I belong, I’m a family man.”

This story may sound odd, but it’s true all the same,

I was there when he died, “I heard her call his name.”

Nobody


Although I am Nobody

I am a nobody,

I can go anywhere and not be mobbed or recognized,

Travel around the country, around the state, or even in town,

Talk to friends, big shots, or other nobodies,

I enjoy my measure of anonymity,

Yet I have talents not exercised,

Within me are golden treasures,

Stored and protected,

Spun out by centrifugal force,

Collected on the walls of my own chamber,

But thoughts and words only proclaim,

Possibly I could grab a measure of fame,

With a little luck and a lot of hard work,

Enjoy the glory, enjoy the luxury,

Yet along with the fame comes the pain,

The loneliness of being special, but not normal anymore,

Not always seeing the world without the world watching you,

The isolation while in a crowd,

The idea of not really knowing which are friends,

And which will run when the money is done,

Being mobbed, swarmed, roughed up,

Treated special, but always in danger of being,

Swindled, threatened, or stalked,

If I could have had fame, I would have balked,

A game of names and glitter and phoniness,

Although I am a nobody, I am more than some of the somebodies

Because I know who I am and where I’ve been,

Some of the somebodies might drown in the adulation of anybodies,

Or nobodies, while acting out what is real and what is not,

 Just dancing to please the crowd of anybodies,

I think I won’t change, if it’s all the same to you.

Yesterday Was the Day


Yesterday Was the Day

She stooped and picked up a shell,

She studied it closely, then threw it away,

I became her throwaway yesterday,

I thought I knew her so well,

As they circled above the seagulls cried,

For they knew how love ebbs and flows,

My heart was aching, that’s how it goes,

Yesterday was the day my love for her died,

She smiled at me as if nothing was wrong,

But she kept that secret out of reach,

And continued walking down the beach,

She knew she was leaving all along,

We had lunch at one, then she said goodbye,

She drove away, then turned and waved,

In my memory a lasting impression I saved,

She was going back to her other guy,

I walked bravely along the lonely shore,

As the fog rolled in to fill the space,

Tears of pain rolled down my face,

While I listened to the waves’ constant roar,

A group of laughing people passed me by,

They couldn’t tell how long I cried,

Yesterday was the day that my love died,

I smiled at them, my face frozen in a lie.

Push With Toes, Pull With Fingers


Push With Toes, Pull With Fingers

(Nighttime Insanity)

I am disappointed,

I thought you were the one,

I didn’t think you would take,

My heart and simply run,

You’ve left me with nothing but memories,

The world looked the same today as I made my rounds,

But within these walls my loneliness abounds,

My thoughts are well beyond repair,

I sink deeper and deeper into despair,

And louder and louder my heart pounds,

There is motion but it is within me,

My head is spinning, wild and free,

Distraught is how I might describe myself,

Not that I am bad or crazy,

Worthless or weak, but human,

Trying to sort out life,

And sort out our strife,

 In a compressed span of time,

Your words painted me a picture,

A truly great work of art,

How you would love me forever,

Instead you broke my heart,

Your words I don’t want to keep,

I close my eyes and try to sleep,

 But my feet and legs twitch,

I try to and picture a peaceful mountain far away,

But I am compelled to ascend,

Grabbing knobs and buttresses that rise into the sky,

I can’t do this, let another night go by,

Acrophobia, possibility of hypothermia,

Push with toes, pull with fingers, don’t slip,

I’m falling into a vast crevasse, I’ve lost my grip,

My eyes pop open, I reach for you,

Why don’t I go and search for someone, anyone would do,

 Just don’t be alone,

I imagine going out,

But I’m indecisive, there is doubt,

 If I found you, or if I didn’t,

I didn’t know which would be worse,

I lie down again, and I silently curse,

I’m weary and fall asleep,

But tension won’t let peace keep,

And I’m fighting for my sanity to save,

I’m in the yawning mouth of a cave,

The temperature drops and all is quiet and dark,

My reasoning is off its mark,

Time seems to have stopped,

My breathing is soft and measured,

Claustrophobia, possibility of hypothermia,

Push with toes, pull with fingers,

Wriggle your way forward,

Relax, exhale, you’re stuck,

 Stuck like a cork in a bottle,

I guess you’re out of luck,

But no, I rise to meet the dawning,

I’ll begin my life anew,

My life has lost its meaning,

There will never be another you.

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