A Crooked Man for President

Jack Bauer is... (Photo credit: ikelee)

(Part 2)

Jack and Melissa spent the next several years in the crooked house just living normal lives.  They now had two children and were very content.  After years of abuse about his physical appearance and his name, Jack was happy that he was being treated with respect and was being left alone.  Now, though, he faced a new problem.

Crime was down and court cases were few.  Big time criminals as well as the street variety were wary of going to court.  They liked Jack but they suspected that when he looked at them in his crooked way he knew whether they were guilty or not.  Because they felt guilty many of them volunteered to make restitution to their victims and to society.  At the same time it became too difficult to commit crimes and then help out in the community.  It was much easier to leave the county than to face the crooked lawyer.

Because he was so successful Jack felt guilty for having idle time. Wasting taxpayers’ money went against his grain.  Jack liked hard work, research, excitement, and the thrill of convincing others of the truth. Besides that, he was continually proving to himself that he was more than a crooked man. He was ready for an opportunity to step out, to be bold and to prove himself to the world.

One afternoon a long black sedan drove up the crooked road and parked in Jack’s driveway.  No one got out.  No one opened a door or window.  The crooked dog growled but just watched.

Melissa wondered about the strange car and called Jack.  He rushed home and stopped a few yards away from the car.  Jack was cautious at first.  He didn’t recognize the car or the license plate. Finally he walked crookedly around the black car and stood on the porch next to the dog.

The car doors opened and three men got out.  Two of them leaned against the car and scanned the area while a third man walked slowly towards Jack.

“Mr. Crooked?” he asked while extending his huge hand.

Jack didn’t correct the large man.  He just smiled crookedly and stuck out his hand.  “Call me Jack.”

The man looked Jack over. “We’ve been hearing good things about you and we want you to run for office.”

“I’ve been thinking about that, too,” Jack responded.  “Perhaps I could run for the County Board of Supervisors or maybe try to be a state assemblyman.”

A deep chuckle bubbled up from the big man.  “No, sir.  We have bigger plans for you.  Oh yes, indeed.  We want you to run for President!”

It would have been rude to laugh, but that idea was ridiculous.  He was a small-town lawyer with some success.  How could a crooked lawyer compete with the urbane experienced gentlemen who had spent years before cameras while gaining their respective offices?

The big man cleared his throat.  “I’ve done some checking up on you. You’re inexperienced and new to the political world.  You don’t have a sordid past or problems that could be potentially explosive.  You’re crooked, but you would be the most honest politician around.”

Jack protested, “I haven’t been studying the issues.  I haven’t decided which ones I’m for and which ones I’m against.”

“Don’t worry about that.  None of the politicians think for themselves.  We lay out the plans and tell them what they’re for and what they’re against.  Speech writers watch the polls and try to catch the waves of concern and ride the tides of sentiment.  A few votes here or there make all the difference.  It’s an exciting game. The candidates have to be smooth talkers and look good.”

“Look,” said Jack.  “It’s obvious that I’m crooked.  I don’t look good in public.  I don’t think I can follow orders either if I believe they’re wrong.  I will give my honest opinion every time.  I refuse to be bullied.”

The big man grinned. “Yes, we know all that.  We don’t expect a crooked lawyer to win.  We want you to stir up the issues so our guy looks good.   In other words, you’d be a distraction and a decoy.  In the meantime we’ll finance your campaign through the primaries.”

Jack thought about the offer for a few seconds.  “I’ll do it.  There are several issues I want to bring up.  I think the American public is smarter than you think.”

The big man shook Jack’s hand.  “We’ll be back.  Next time we’ll have your campaign staff with us.”

Jack watched as the car sped down the narrow crooked road, the tires kicking up dust and gravel as the car touched the shoulder.  When it was out of sight Jack continued to stare.  “What have I gotten myself into?” he said quietly.

Melissa noticed his preoccupied look as he entered the kitchen.  “Why are you scowling, Jack My Love?  You’re always smiling.  What’s wrong?”

“I think I’ve done something stupid.  I’m running for President!”

 

 

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Going Camping (Part Three)

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Melissa had gone on a rampage and destroyed the room,

The lamps, the mirror, she left me to face my doom,

I didn’t bother going to bed, I wouldn’t be able to sleep,

Every passing car could be the Sheriff, Nathan, or some creep,

Destroying evidence would be claimed if I started to clean,

But if I didn’t, what would be surmised if I fled the scene?

It was all so confusing, I wasn’t sure next what should ensue,

I slipped a note under the office door explaining what I would do,

I’d pay for the damage even though it wasn’t mine,

I wanted to leave a positive note but there just wasn’t time,

I gathered what I could and hiked towards the station,

Staying in the deepest shadows, a desperate man in a situation,

In an alley across the street I caught my breath, it looked safe to go,

A sudden premonition said something was wrong, just stay low,

My pickup looked ready, but the station was too quiet, too perfect,

I waited a few minutes for some sounds I could detect,

A car door opened, I heard a voice, “For Pete’s sake, can’t you wait?”

“I have to pee.  He’s not here anyway, it’s probably too late,”

“If you scare that bastard off you’ll wreck the Sheriff’s plan,

If the Sheriff sees you standing there, you’ll be a dead man,”

“Check your gun and be ready, but let me get the first shot,

I’m the better marksman, in case you up and forgot,”

The two deputies I met at the café seemed to have plenty to say,

I dropped to the pavement, I wanted to live another day,

Another car drove past, Nathan and the Sheriff, side by side,

The Sheriff was driving, Nathan had a rifle pointing outside,

They went two blocks, came back and parked their car,

“Don’t worry, Nathan,” the Sheriff consoled, “He can’t get far,”

“You seen him yet? I’ve got the other boys ready at the ends of town,

I’m hoping he’ll come here, it won’t be long before he’s found,

Anybody who’s dumb enough to rape the mayor’s wife,

Doesn’t deserve to live.  We’ll string him up and take his life,”

“We should have done that with the other strangers last time,

Rather than dumping their bodies in the old gold mine,

Now, Nathan, you’ve got to be calm and just wait,

We’ll hang him as an example, this time justice won’t be late.”

In the alley I inched away, then sprinted to the main highway,

There was no time to lose, there was no place to stay,

At a fast food restaurant two trucks were parked, my last hope,

One truck was loaded with carnival rides, I could bless the Pope!

One of the rides was a big fish!  Wouldn’t I have quite the tale,

Wouldn’t it be something if I escaped in the belly of a whale?

But positive energy was flowing towards the cattle truck,

Call me crazy, but I pushed and shoved my way in, trusting to luck,

The cattle were restless so I sang softly to quiet them down,  

When the driver returned they watched him but made no sound,

He followed the carnival driver heading south through the woods,

After a few miles they came to a halt, “We need to check your goods”

Deputies swarmed all over the carnival truck, checking out the rides,

The cattle truck was smelly and two deputies said, “We’re not climbing inside,”

The truck was waved on after the deputies said their goodbyes,

I stood again as soon as we were on the road, crooning lullabies,

A few towns later the trucks pulled over and the drivers popped out,

They came to the back and the cattle truck driver began to shout,

“You can come out now and quit your hiding, it’s time you were found,”

I made my way forward and stepped quickly to the ground,

“The cattle wouldn’t be behavin’ unless there’s a cowboy, was my hunch,

But I’ll be danged if I was going to turn you over to that wild logger bunch,

We’d be witnesses to your treatment, they’d shoot us on sight,

Telling anybody who’d listen that we helped you take flight,”

“Where’re you headin’? I’d take you up front but you don’t smell good,”

“To turn myself in,” I answered, “It’s the right thing, I know I should,”

At the police station they ignored me, then things happened quick,

 I convinced them I was telling them the truth, it wasn’t a trick,

I told them about the old mine and the FBI was called in,

Tourists had disappeared there, and speculation was grim,

Melissa hung tough but after inconsistencies began to show,

She blubbered about the sheriff and Nathan, her tears did flow,

The Sheriff and two of the deputies were arrested and booked,

Nathan had shot one of Melissa’s lovers so his goose was cooked,

Me? I was lucky to get out of there, my pickup fixed free,

The rude man and his friends? Now that’s still a mystery,

I don’t think about what they tried to do, that’s negativity,

All I know is positive forces seem to agree with me.

I think being positive beats negativity every time, although I still haven’t gotten to go camping.  I can picture it now, camping in the forest, close to the ocean, watching the elk herd meander along, waiting for the fog to lift, enjoying the excitement of nature, wide eyed and ready for new adventures.

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Part 2, Going Camping

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Going Camping, Trouble in Town

At six in the morning I strolled down Main Street,

Admiring the small shops, enjoying the sun’s heat,

I went into Roger’s, a café with customers waiting in line,

I was told by a waitress, “It’s always like this, rain or shine,”

Inside on a wall there was a sign bright and bold,

WEAR SHOES AND A SHIRT AND DO WHAT YOU’RE TOLD,

A sudden thought whizzed around in my head,

“It doesn’t sound positive, it sounds negative instead,”

Another sign, “If you ain’t hungry, you’re wasting a place,

We only serve those who’re feeding their face!”

I was tempted to order the Sasquatch Special Plate,

But I was sure the special was meant to feed at least eight,

I ordered the smallest dish, called the Redwood Tree,

Aware that several people were casually watching me,

The waitress sashayed by, several times or more,

Then she stopped and said, “Before you go out that door,

There are three men in the corner with words to say,

And they look serious, they don’t have time to play,”

I was still feeling positive so I strolled over to see,

“Good morning, Sheriff, officers, you wanted to see me?”

“We’ve been searching all morning for three of our friends,

We thought you might know just where we should begin,”

“I’m sorry, sir, I really don’t know where they went,

They came to greet me but little time was spent,”

They looked at me dubiously, “We’re watching you double,

You can’t come into this town and start causing trouble,”

“I’m on my way to the Prairie Creek campground,

As soon as my pickup is finished, I’m leaving town,”

“If our buddies don’t show up, we’ll be looking for you,

There’s a connection, even if you’re just passing through,”

I didn’t know what to say so I turned and walked out,

But before I got through the door I heard the sheriff shout,

“Remember, don’t go far, we’ll be watching you, Stranger,”

Something inside of me kept saying, “Danger, danger, danger,”

If I could get my pickup I would hurry and get on the road,

I didn’t want the sheriff and his deputies to add to my load,

The mechanic was still working, meticulous but slow,

“It won’t be done today, sometime in the morning though,”

What point was there to argue if the results would be the same?

A man entered the garage, “I don’t think I gave you my name,”

“I’m Nathan,” he said, “I drove you here late last night,”

Even without his hard hat he was a welcome sight,

“My wife and I would like to take you out to dine,

Then show you around our town, we won’t let you decline,”

He got into his pickup, waved, “I’ll be back at six,”

I found a motel, checked in, “I hope this isn’t a trick,”

When Nathan and his wife, Melissa, arrived, I was at my best,

“The food is delicious, the people great at The Logger’s Nest,

You’ll like the long benches that fit at each table,

We all crowd together and talk while we’re able,”

The conversation was lively, between Nathan and some guy,

While Melissa and I talked quietly, squeezed thigh to thigh,

She plied me with questions about my city life,

She wanted to know everything, why I didn’t have a wife,

Later they showed me what they liked about their town,

Stopping at bars to visit friends and throw a few drinks down,

 I became the designated driver as the night took its toll,

Water and sodas had been my fare, so I was left in control,

Finally I drove them home, determined to walk to the motel,

“No, no, no,” Melissa said. “I’m almost sober, as you can tell,

Nathan can put himself to bed, there’ll be no debate,”

I didn’t want to argue, I was tired, and it was late,

On the way Melissa slid to the middle of the seat,

Then closer, thigh against thigh, I could feel the heat,

She leaned her head against my shoulder and sighed,

“I can’t drive with you close like this,” I lied,

“Nathan neglects me and leaves me all alone,

Why don’t you stay a few days and your camping trip postpone?”

I got out quickly at the motel but I heard the other door slam,

“I’ve got to use the girl’s room,” she said, and I was in a jam,

“I’ll just be a minute or two, and then I’ll be on my way,”

“Okay, I’ll be waiting at the truck, so please don’t delay,”

Time passed slowly and Melissa never came out,

Maybe something happened, although I had some doubt,

She was in bed, the covers tucked up under her chin,

“I’m cold,” she whispered, “so hurry up and get in,”

I shook my head, “Melissa, I can’t betray Nathan’s trust,

You and Nathan are my friends, I won’t give in to lust,”

She looked at me as if I had arrived from deepest space,

“He’s drunk and asleep, you can have me and leave no trace,

I’ve been waiting all evening for you, don’t you want me too?”

She was beautiful, I was needy, both of those were true,

“I’m sorry, Melissa, I’ll wait in the pickup until you get dressed,”

That was not what she expected for she looked quite distressed,

I shut the door behind me but not before I heard breaking glass,

Finally silence, I was sure positives won’t let negativity surpass,

She stormed out, her hair disheveled, her blouse torn,

“You could have made this easy and fun, now you they’ll scorn,

When I made plans to be with you, I must have been dreaming,

Now get out of my truck before I start screaming,

I’ll tell Nathan you laughed when my blouse was torn,

I’ll make you wish you’d never been born,”

One day of vacation used on this camping trip,

Negativity is winning, I’m in its grip.

(Part 2)

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